Reconciliation Takes Courage

Vayishlach


Genesis 32:4 - 36:43



Précis: As he nears his return to his homeland, Jacob sent (vayishlach) messengers to Esau to ascertain Esau’s state of mind after their 20 year separation. While he awaits a reply, Jacob encounters an “adversary” (most assume an angel) with whom Jacob wrestles through the night. As dawn breaks, the adversary announces that Jacob’s name is to be changed to Israel – “He who wrestles with God.” On the following day, Esau approaches, and despite Jacob’s fears, there is a happy reunion.

We then read the story of how a local prince rapes Dinah, Jacob’s daughter, and then asks to marry her. Jacob agrees on condition that all of the men of the city are circumcised. While the men are recovering, Jacob’s sons Simon and Levi attack the city and kill all of the inhabitants in revenge for the insult to their sister.


Jacob soon travels to Beth-el (the site of his ladder dream), and on the way, Rachel gives birth to Benjamin and dies following her labor. Thereafter, Isaac’s death is noted, as is his burial by Esau and Jacob. The parasha ends with a genealogy of Esau and his descendants.


Genesis 32:8 “Jacob was greatly frightened; in his anxiety, he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps.”

Why was Jacob so frightened? How does he overcome this fear? The text tells us that there is a real basis for fear, despite a promise of God’s protection, and despite Jacob’s new wealth and power. As noted by Joel Rosenberg in Back to the Sources, the text tells us repeatedly and explicitly about the rivalry between Jacob and Esau. They are portrayed as being in conflict in the womb (Gen. 25:22-23), at birth (25:24-26), as opposites growing up (25:27), as loved by different parents (25:28), at the sale of the birthright (25:29-34), and at the theft of Isaac’s blessing (27:19-23). Jacob knew that at the reunion, he would have to face Esau’s anger and pain which he, Jacob, had caused. The brothers had spent twenty years apart. During that time they both had the opportunity to consider everything that had happened: the lying, the tricks, the loss, and the desire for revenge. Jacob had reason for fear.


I suggest that this fear was overcome when Jacob finds courage during his struggle with “the adversary.” Some commentators suggest that Jacob’s “wrestling” with the “adversary” was a metaphor for an intense struggle within Jacob’s own psyche, a fight between his yetzer tov and yetzer ha-rah (between the good and evil inclinations). Jacob’s new-found courage resulted from a deep and significant self-analysis, which led him to understand that seeking forgiveness was the true test of courage.

Jacob no longer waits for God to save him. He takes initiative and concrete steps to create the possibility for reconciliation: he apologizes, he offers gifts, and he abases himself before Esau.

All too often we engage in actions which cause real hurt to others. It takes courage to seek reconciliation with those we have harmed. Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky suggests in Renewal Each Day that if we really want forgiveness from those we have hurt, "We simply have to face each deceit of the past. [We] change what happened by changing what is happening now." Jacob and Esau's reconciliation requires courage by both parties: the courage to ask for forgiveness, and the courage to grant it. The Rabbis teach us: “Who is a true hero? The one who turns an enemy into a friend.” (Avot d'rabbi Natan, chapter 23).


Shabbat Shalom.