Vayechi
Gen. 47:28 - 50:26
Précis: As the Book of Genesis comes to a close, Jacob lived (vayechi) in the land of Egypt for 17 years and dies after giving a final, poetic, individualized ethical testament to each of his sons. In a great funeral procession, Joseph, his brothers, and Pharaoh and his court bring Jacob’s body to Machpela to be buried. At the end of the parasha, Joseph dies after exacting a promise to bring his remains to the land of Israel as well.
This week, as we conclude the Book of Genesis, I thought that I would look at how the Book treats parenting. While most of us are aware of the stories of sibling rivalry throughout the Book, we don’t always think about parenting. For most of us, our introduction to parenting is mysterious. Where is the instruction manual? Bereshit seems to be less of a “how to” book when it comes to parenting and has more of a “keep trying” message. Most parents in the narrative fail, but here at the conclusion we find hope in the reconciliation of the sons of Jacob.
In the beginning, Adam and Eve must deal with the slaying of their son Abel by their son Cain. How did they manage? Did they feel guilty? What was their relationship thereafter with Cain? The text is silent.
Noah doesn’t do much better. Yes, he saves his kids from the Flood, but then one abuses him, and Noah curses another. Do we share Noah’s anger when we feel that our mistakes lead to our kids’ inappropriate acts?
When Abraham cries out to God “If only Ishmael would live before You!” he must have thought of himself as a failure at fatherhood. Don’t we regret it when our kids move on paths we had not dreamed for them? Then the Akedah terminates the relationship between father and son. Imagine Abraham’s grief during the remaining decades of his life. That grief is shared all too often by parents who have lost a loving relationship with a child.
Esau and Isaac were rivals for their parents’ affection, resulting in their separation from each other for decades. When we show favoritism towards a child, don’t we chill the relationship with his or her siblings? The story of Joseph again shows the dangers of favoritism. Did Jacob recognize, too late, that he had repeated his own father’s error? Do we repeat the mistakes of our parents when we try to raise our children?
Bereshit ends with reconciliation and reunion. It suggests that as parents, even if we often get parenting “wrong,” hope always remains if we are open to our faults and if we keep reconciliation possible. We will err, but we have to keep trying. As my wife Abby reminds me, we cannot burn bridges. When things do not turn out the way we had hoped, we still have the chance to rectify the harm that might have been done by parents or by their children. This is a profoundly hopeful lesson.
