Family Togetherness

Toledot



Genesis 25:19-28:9

Précis: The introductory phrase to this parasha is “These are the generations (“toledot”) of Isaac.” What follows is the birth of the twins, Esau and Jacob. Their childhood is omitted from narrative. We learn that Jacob was a quiet man while Esau was a cunning hunter, that their mother Rebecca preferred Jacob, and that Isaac preferred Esau. We then have the story of the sale of the birthright by Esau to Jacob for a bowl of porridge (or lentils). A famine takes place, and Isaac journeys to the land of the Philistines where he claims that his wife Rebecca is actually his sister (as Abraham did with Sarah in Lech Lecha) and again, the woman escapes unharmed. The story then turns to the “great deception” where Jacob pretends to be Esau in order to obtain the primary blessing from his father Isaac. Esau hates Jacob and threatens him; Rebecca urges Jacob to escape to her family in Haran, to where he sets off at the conclusion of the parasha.

Genesis 25:22 “And the children struggled together within her; and she said: 'If it be so, wherefore do I live?' And she went to inquire of God.”

This year, we read the parasha on Thanksgiving weekend, a time when many families gather together. There is in fact a connection between the parasha and the holiday. It’s become a worn-out comedic trope, but Thanksgiving is a time when rivalries and animosity between siblings can re-emerge (as in the movie Avalon: “You cut the turkey without me!!!”). So too with the story of this parasha.

The inability of brothers and sisters to live peaceably and agreeably together is far from surprising. “Sibling rivalry” existed before it was recognized by Freud. The struggles of Jacob and Esau described here is not even the first example in the Bible. This tale can be viewed as a reprise of the fight between the first brothers, Cain and Abel, and as a harbinger of future sibling animosity (among Jacob’s sons and Joseph; between Moses and Aaron, among King David’s sons, etc.).

The emphasis on sibling conflict in our texts can be viewed on many levels. Most simply, we observe a simple story of a natural fight for dominance between brothers of different abilities and outlooks. The stories are also allegories for religious, political, social or economic battles. In this week’s reading, Esau is described as the man of action eager for the hunt and the field. Jacob is the quiet man of the tents, who even learns to cook. The differences causing their rivalry are brilliantly portrayed in the sale of the birthright scene (25:29-34), when Esau returns from his hunt, ravaged by hunger, gulps down his food, and sells the birthright. The man of instinctual urges has lost his primacy to the man of thoughtful (cunning?) planning. (Aside: Is this sale relevant? Can one actually sell one’s birthright? Esau is the first born, and his “sale” cannot negate this fact. On the other hand, the “sale” certainly shows the motivations of each brother.)

In more modern psychological terms, we might think that Esau represents the id, ruled by instinct. Such a life was castigated by the Sages. The Mishnah asks, "Who is powerful?" It answers, "One who conquers his own impulse." It is not surprising to find that their collective opinion of Esau was negative, seeing him as evil and filled with hate. Jacob can represent the ego or super-ego, where complex thought leads to considered action. Even though he prevails in his quest for his father’s blessing through trickery and disguise, the rabbis see him as a man of learning, morality, and the appropriate conduit of tradition.

What is the basis for this estrangement and struggle between the brothers? Some have suggested that the rejection of primogeniture in this story is evidence of God’s intervention. When the “natural order” is upset, we may be glimpsing at God’s involvement in the narrative. On a strictly human level, the enmity between the brothers may be rooted in parental favoritism. What is the rationale for this favoritism? Perhaps Isaac, who has never himself been a man of action, and whose singular experience (the Akedah) was notable for his role as object, sees in Esau the man he always wanted to be: strong, powerful, able. (Second aside: is it possible that Isaac sees in Esau the memory of his lost half-brother Ishmael?) Rebecca’s devotion to Jacob may be a reaction to Isaac’s favoritism of Esau; perhaps she saw that Jacob needed the love and attention his father was unable or unwilling to offer. In addition to the evident harm to the sons, we see that displays of favoritism among offspring can poison the relationship of the parents as well. After all, it was in the end of the previous parasha that Isaac was comforted by Rebecca on the loss of his mother; now, she is plotting against him to secure the blessing for Jacob.

It’s not hard to find lessons in this story, many quite negative. I prefer to take from this story two positive thoughts. First, while the text shows us the apparent shortcomings of our founding family, it gives them human faces. Their weaknesses are ours, and if they could overcome, there is hope for us as well. Second, while this parasha ends with death threats and a getaway, next week’s reading tells of a reunion after they have grown, matured, and have found a way to reestablish a bond. If brothers with such enmity can learn to live in peace, there is hope for all of us to overcome the interpersonal disputes we face within our workplaces and families. Let peace reign over your household this Thanksgiving.