Shalom Bayit - It's Your Choice

Vayigash
Genesis 44:18 - 48:27

Précis: We approach the end of the Joseph saga. Benjamin is being held by Joseph as the alleged thief of a gold cup. Judah comes near (vayigash) Joseph, and begs for his brother’s life, offering himself as a substitute. Joseph is overcome and reveals himself to his brothers, forgiving them for selling him into slavery, stating that it was all part of God’s plan. Joseph sends them back home to bring Jacob and their families down to Egypt in order to survive the famine. They comply, and Joseph arranges for them to reside in the land of Goshen, living off “the fat of the land” at Pharaoh’s insistence. During the remainder of the famine, Joseph purchases land and cattle for Pharaoh in exchange for the grain stored during the seven years of plenty. The Israelites prosper and multiply.


Genesis 45:5-7 "And now, don’t be troubled, don’t be chagrined because you sold me here, for it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. There have already been two years of famine in the land, and there remain five more years without plowing or harvesting. So God has sent me ahead of you to assure your survival in the land, and to keep you alive for a great deliverance."

Here Joseph has revealed his identity to his brothers, who fear retribution. Joseph, instead, is magnanimous, giving, and forgiving. It is a wonderful example of the importance of “shalom bayit” (literally, peace in the house, but meaning much more: the maintenance of peaceful relationships within families and communities).

There is no textual support for Joseph’s statement: nowhere does the Torah tell us that his sale into slavery was part of a Divine Plan to save the Israelites. Perhaps Joseph had a revelation – not recorded in the text – in which God’s plan was explained.

I prefer another way of considering the statement. Joseph was choosing to remember positives. He was not remembering his brothers’ plans to kill him, or of their placing him in a pit (while they casually had a meal!), or of their selling him into slavery. Perhaps he was recalling his own behavior towards them: boasting about his dreams or parading around in his cloak (a sign of their father’s favoritism). In either case, he was choosing to look forward, to be a problem solver, to avoid holding a grudge or acting upon it.

In our own lives, we have the choice of concentrating on the hurtful or hateful things others have done to us, or we can remember what we did to earn the enmity of others. We can break the pattern of charge and counter charge, complaint and rejoinder, hateful action and cold rejection. We can reach out to those who we have held at a distance, perhaps because of long-ago ill-remembered slights. Like Joseph, we can choose to be magnanimous and forgiving, and to ignore even well-deserved animosity. Life is short; let’s not wait.