Revering our Mothers and Fathers

Kedoshim


Leviticus 19:1-:20:27


Précis: The opening words of Kedoshim are “You shall be holy” (kedoshim tihyu), and it continues with various descriptions of how the People are to strive for holiness. Included are fundamental laws, such as fearing one’s parents and observing Shabbat. Consideration of the poor through the commandments to leave the corners of fields for gleaners is included, as are mandates which complement the ethical principles of the Ten Commandments (being honest, avoiding vengeance). Specific bans against magicians, soothsaying, witchcraft and defiling the dead follow, as are reminders to avoid human sacrifice. This parasha is often viewed as the very core of moral teaching for the Jewish People.


Leviticus 19:3 “You shall each revere your mother and your father, and keep My sabbaths: I the Eternal am your God.”


I am blessed to have a wonderful mother-in-law in my life. Now in her 10th decade of vigorous, meaningful life, she is my personal role model for how one should age: not only graciously but with purpose. Amazingly, she is still actively employed (and not as a volunteer!), and finds the time to be incredibly supportive of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. When one has such a mother in one’s life, “revering” her as the text commands is not difficult at all.


The command to honor one’s parents comes in two different forms. In Exodus 20:12, we are told to “honor” (“kabeid” from the root “kavod”) one’s parents; here, we are instructed to “revere” (tira-u) our parents. Many would suggest that a more accurate translation of “revere” is “fear.” Additionally, while in Exodus we are told to “honor” our fathers and mothers, here the parental order is reversed.


First, what’s the difference in meaning between “honor” and “fear” in this context? Rashi suggests that honor (kavod) means seeing to their physical needs, especially when they are not able to do so themselves. He further suggests that the father is mentioned first because a child often has a closer relationship with the mother, and Rashi assumes that she is more likely to be honored by the child. Sforno adds, however, that merely taking care of the parent’s physical needs is insufficient, because one is able to do that without “honoring” them. Therefore, he suggests, the verse here in Leviticus is added so that awe (or fear) helps us “honor” the parent.


Second, the fact that observance of Shabbat is in the same sentence can lead one to understand that we “revere” God when we observe Shabbat. God stands, in this way as “in loco parentis.” The reverence and honor owed to our parents is owed to God, and when we honor and revere our parents, we are, at the same time, giving honor and reverence to God as well.


Modern parenting techniques seem to eschew the concept of “awe” or “fear” and even “honoring” (the latter often modified to be “honor your parents – if they deserve it”). I personally was amazed by how much more intelligent my father (z’l) became between the time I was 20 and I reached 30! It was, of course, only after I had attained a certain level of maturity that I could understand how wise he actually was – and how much I needed to honor him.


While few of my generation (or those which follow) live lives in which “fear of God” is an ever-present phenomenon, this text does teach us that by honoring and revering our parents, we also honor and revere God.