But He Refused

Vayeshev

Gen. 37:1 - 40:23

Précis: The story of Joseph begins with the words, “And Jacob dwelt (vayeshev) in the land of his father’s travels.” We learn that Joseph is Jacob’s favorite son. Joseph receives the famous coat of many colors, and dreams strange dreams and relates them to his brothers and father, creating additional concern (jealousy) on their part. The sons conspire to do away with Joseph, but before he dies, they sell him into slavery. Jacob is devastated when the sons present evidence of Joseph’s “death.” 

            We then have an intervening story about Judah. He marries off his first son to Tamar. The son soon dies, and, the next son is married to the widow (“levirate marriage.”) The second son (Onan) dies, and Judah is loath to offer the third son. The widow dresses as a harlot, seduces Judah, becomes pregnant, and reveals herself to Judah as a woman wronged. He acknowledges her as a rightful daughter.

           The scene shifts back to Joseph, who is now a servant in the household of Potiphar, an Egyptian official. Potiphar’s wife attempts to seduce Joseph but he refuses her advances. She accuses him nonetheless of attempted rape, and Joseph is tossed into prison. There, he meets jailed servants of Pharaoh, for whom he interprets dreams successfully. When the chief butler is restored to his post, he promises to “remember” Joseph, but the parasha ends with the words, “but he forgot him.”

Gen. 39:7-8 “After a time, his master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph and said, ‘Lie with me.’ But he refused….”

            This parasha includes two stories of sexual impropriety: the failure of Judah to provide for his daughter-in-law (and her need to play the harlot), and this story of the false rape accusation in the cited verse.

            When Joseph refuses the advances of Potiphar’s wife, she grabs an article of his clothing, which she uses as “evidence” of rape, and Joseph goes to prison.

            While in terms of power the gender roles​ in this story​ are reversed from our present 

​“norm,” this episode has remarkable parallels to the current news cycle in particular, and to our society in general.

            A person of power coerces another towards improper sexual contact. Here, the individual refuses, and is punished for that refusal. Joseph not only loses his job, he goes to prison! What would his fellow servants of Potiphar think about that result? Would they decide to accept the abuse to save their jobs, or would they speak out and defend themselves?

            This is the issue which our society is attempting to deal with today. Sexual abuse and harassment have been present throughout human history as this story demonstrates. There is also no doubt that it has been wrong throughout human history as well. Joseph, who is not always portrayed in a positive light (his tattling on his brothers, his braggadocio, his games-playing with his brothers when he is in power, his failure to contact his mourning father, etc.) here stands up straight and strong, refusing the improper advances of his mistress. It is not only wrong for him to do what is demanded of him; it is also a violation of the trust which is owner Potiphar has placed in him. It must have been exceedingly difficult for Joseph to take this stand (a notion which the Rabbis suggest was not initially unequivocal).

            What we need to learn from this vignette is not only that those who are harassed and abused must come forward, but that the perpetrators must learn to avoid their sin. In more common terms, it is not harassed (mostly) women in our society who need to come forward; it is (largely) men in positions of authority (as employers, as teachers, as political leaders) who must learn that the authority they possess gives them no entitlement to harass or abuse those under their sway. We, as a society, must give no quarter to those who use their positions in such despicable ways.

Burning Bridges

Vayishlach

Gen. 32:4 - 36:43

Précis: As he nears his return to his homeland, Jacob sent (vayishlach) messengers to Esau to ascertain Esau’s state of mind after their 20-year separation. While he awaits a reply, Jacob encounters an “adversary” (most assume an angel) with whom Jacob wrestles through the night. As dawn breaks, the adversary announces that Jacob’s name is to be changed to Israel: “He who wrestles with God.” On the following day, Esau approaches, and despite Jacob’s fears, there is a happy reunion.

            We then read the story of how a local prince rapes Dinah, Jacob’s daughter, and then asks to marry her. Jacob agrees on condition that all of the men of the city are circumcised. While the men are recovering, Jacob’s sons Simon and Levi attack the city and kill all of the inhabitants in revenge for the insult to their sister.

           Jacob soon travels to Beth-el (the site of his ladder dream), and on the way, Rachel gives birth to Benjamin and dies in childbirth. Thereafter, Isaac’s death is noted, as is his burial by Esau and Jacob. The parasha ends with a genealogy of Esau and his descendants.

Gen. 33:4 “And Esau ran to meet Jacob, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him; and they wept.”

            After two decades of separation, the twin brothers meet again and are reconciled. The closeness of their relationship is questionable. While the Sages provide extended midrash seeking to cast doubt on Esau's sincerity, the text itself portrays a legitimate and sincere reunion. Yet, they need to live apart. Two people who tricked and threatened each other have finally come to accept the other. What has changed?  

            We recall that as young men, they competed with each other for the love of their parents, and each was successful in earning the love from only one of them. Jacob desired Esau’s birthright, Esau wanted the porridge and then wanted the blessing from Isaac. They each wanted what the other possessed.

            When they meet again, they have overcome their jealousy. They both have large families and great wealth. Jacob offers his brother gifts, and Esau refuses.  Jacob insists on the gift.  Each of the two now understands that they no longer need envy the other.

            As we see so often in our text, relationships among family members can be difficult. But as a wise woman (my wife) has repeatedly reminded me, “Never burn your bridges.” There is always hope for reconciliation. Another lesson: while we all strive for goals, we need to remember that life is not a zero-sum game. We also need to remember how blessed we already are, and that we should rejoice in our own achievements instead of being envious of the success of others.