Keep Trying

Vayechi

Gen. 47:28 - 50:26

Précis: As the Book of Genesis comes to a close, Jacob lived (vayechi) in the land of Egypt for 17 years and dies after giving a final, poetic, individualized ethical testament to each of his sons. In a great funeral procession, Joseph, his brothers, and Pharaoh and his court bring Jacob’s body to Machpela to be buried. At the end of the parasha, Joseph dies after exacting a promise to bring his remains to the land of Israel as well.
           

            This week, as we conclude the Book of Genesis, I thought that I would look at how the Book treats parenting. While most of us are aware of the stories of sibling rivalry throughout the Book, we don’t always think about parenting. For most of us, our introduction to parenting is mysterious. Where is the instruction manual?  Bereshit seems to be less of a “how to” book when it comes to parenting and ​has ​more of a “keep trying” message. Most parents in the narrative fail, but here at the conclusion we find hope​ in the reconciliation of the sons of Jacob.

            In the beginning, Adam and Eve must deal with the slaying of their son Abel by ​their son ​Cain. How did they manage? Did they feel guilty? What was their relationship thereafter with Cain? The text is silent.

Noah doesn’t do much better. Yes, he saves his kids from the Flood, but then one abuses him, and Noah curses another. Do we share Noah’s anger when we feel that our mistakes lead to our kids’ inappropriate acts?

When Abraham cries out to God “If only Ishmael would live before You!” he must have thought of himself as a failure at fatherhood.  Don’t we regret it when our kids move on paths we had not dreamed for them? Then the Akedah terminates the relationship between father and son. Imagine Abraham’s grief during the remaining decades of his life. That grief is shared all too often by parents who have lost a loving relationship with a child.

Esau and Isaac were rivals for their parents’ affection, resulting in their separation from each other for decades. When we show favoritism towards a child, don’t we chill the relationship with his or her siblings? The story of Joseph again shows the dangers of favoritism. Did Jacob recognize, too late, that he had repeated his own father’s error? Do we repeat the mistakes of our parents when we try to raise our children?

Bereshit ends with reconciliation and reunion. It suggests that as parents, even if we often get parenting “wrong,” hope always remains if we are open to our faults and if we keep reconciliation possible. We will err, but we have to keep trying. As my wife Abby reminds me, we cannot burn bridges. When things do not turn out the way we had hoped, we still have the chance to rectify the harm that might have been done by parents or by their children. This is a profoundly hopeful lesson.

A lack of certainty

Vayigash

Gen. 18 - 48:27

Précis: We approach the end of the Joseph saga. Benjamin is being held by Joseph as the alleged thief of a gold cup. Judah comes near (vayigash) Joseph, and begs for his brother’s life, offering himself as a substitute. Joseph is overcome and reveals himself to his brothers, forgiving them for selling him into slavery, stating that it was all part of God’s plan. Joseph sends them back home to bring Jacob and their families down to Egypt in order to survive the upcoming famine. They comply, and Joseph arranges for them to reside in the land of Goshen, living off “the fat of the land” at Pharaoh’s insistence. During the remainder of the famine, Joseph purchases land and cattle for Pharaoh, making serfs of the Egyptian people in exchange for the grain stored during the seven years of plenty. The Israelites prosper and multiply.

Gen. 46:33-34 “And it will happen that when you see Pharaoh, he will ask ‘What is your occupation?’ And you will say, ‘Your servants are keepers of cattle from our youth until the present, as have been our fathers’…for every shepherd is an abomination to the Egyptians.”

                We reach conclusion of Joseph’s story. Finally, all seems well between Joseph and his family and for the future of the clan in Egypt. But then this verse raises a question when Joseph tells his brothers not to tell Pharaoh their true profession (shepherds, because, allegedly, shepherds are detested by Egyptians).  But when presented to Pharaoh, they indeed state that they are shepherds. Pharaoh not only fails to reject them, but actually offers to hire them to look after his own flocks.

               Why did Joseph suggest that his brothers withhold the truth? Was he afraid of the embarrassment that a “noble Egyptian” would face when it became known that his brothers were simple shepherds? Was he a bit less secure in his position than we might have assumed? Whatever motivated Joseph’s suggestion, the brothers ignored it. They tell Pharaoh that they are shepherds and are assigned the best pastures in the land. Joseph’s potential concerns are revealed to be without merit.

               This lack of certainty about one’s status has been a common feature of Jewish identity in the Diaspora. Jews have almost always felt insecure. At some of those times when they felt most secure, the results were horrendous. Just a few years ago, we assumed that we lived in safety and security in America. But the rising tide of anti-Semitism, from vandalism to vile speech to deadly attacks, has indeed happened here.

            Joseph dealt with his fears by securing land and opportunity for his family. We can deal with our own doubts by speaking out and supporting those organizations which remain vigilant against the curse of anti-Semitism. We can never be totally safe, but we can protect and maintain our ability to fight the lies, threats, injustice and violence leveled against us.