Particularly galling

 Vayetze

Gen. 28:10-33:3

 

Précis: As Jacob travels towards the household of his uncle Laban, he dreams of a ladder (or ramp) to heaven, with angels ascending and descending. Jacob meets and falls in love with Laban’s younger daughter, Rachel. Laban agrees to the match if Jacob works for him for seven years. Laban switches the older daughter, Leah, for Rachel; Jacob works an additional seven years for Rachel’s hand. Jacob then works for Laban another six years and acquires great wealth and flocks. During the stay with Laban, most of the children of Jacob are born. At the conclusion of the parasha, after tense negotiations with Laban, Jacob leaves with his possessions and family.

 

Gen. 30:1-2 “When Rachel saw that she had borne Jacob no children, she became envious of her sister, and Rachel said to Jacob ‘Give me children, or I shall die.’ Jacob was incensed at Rachel and said, ‘Can I take the place of God, who has denied you fruit of the womb?’”

Rabbi Melissa Crespy has written a d’var about Rachel’s prayer and Jacob’s rebuke (MyJewishLearning.com, 12/6/16).

            She calls Jacob’s reaction “particularly galling.”  Rachel is the wife whom he loves deeply, and she is a woman who has seen her sister Leah bear Jacob three sons. Crespy cites Midrash Rabbah (71:7): “Said the Holy One, Blessed be God, to him [Jacob]: ‘Is that a way to answer a woman in distress?’”

            Subsequent Sages attempted to explain or soften Jacob’s response, suggesting that Jacob spoke out of frustration and that he intended to explain to her that she should make her request to God, and not to him. Nevertheless, Jacob’s response to a woman in distress was at best unkind.

            I cannot help but think of the scores of women who have been subjected to far worse treatment than mere words: the victims of Jeffrey Epstein and his fellow users of girls and women. I frankly cannot fathom the response of some that they doubt the claims of these distressed women. To borrow a phrase from Rabbi Crespy, it is particularly galling.

           

The need to be open

 Toldot

Gen. 25:19-28:9

 

Précis: The introductory phrase to this parasha is “These are the generations (“toldot”) of Isaac.” What follows is the birth of the twins, Esau and Jacob. Their childhood is omitted from the narrative. We learn that Jacob is a quiet man while Esau is a cunning hunter, that their mother Rebecca prefers Jacob, and that Isaac prefers Esau. Esau sells his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of porridge (or lentils). A famine takes place, and Isaac visits the Philistines where he claims that Rebecca is his sister (as Abraham did with Sarah in Lech Lecha) and again, the woman escapes unharmed. The story turns to the “great deception” where Jacob pretends to be Esau to obtain the primary blessing from his father Isaac. Esau hates Jacob and threatens him; Rebecca urges Jacob to escape to her family in Haran, and he sets off at the conclusion of the parasha.

 

Gen. 27:8-10 “Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go now to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.”

 

Rabbi Sacks asks a question most of us probably overlook: Why did Rebecca tell Jacob to deceive Isaac and take Esau’s blessing (Rabbi Sacks Legacy, 11/28/24)? While we may often ask how Jacob could deceive his father, Sacks suggests we focus on Rebecca, since it was her plan, not his. How could she order her son to deceive her husband and deprive Esau of his blessing?  

            Three possible answers are provided: She was driven by her love for Jacob, her favorite. Second, she felt that Esau was the wrong person to inherit the mantle from Abraham and Isaac. The third answer is that she believed the prophecy she received prior to the twins’ birth: "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” (Gen. 25:23)

            All three answers are potential explanations for her conduct. But all three assume that Rebecca never shared her feelings about the birthright with her husband. But why not?

Sacks cites the Netzev (R. Naftali Zvi Yehudah Berlin,1816-1893) for a comment on last week’s parasha. When Rebecca set eyes on her husband-to-be, she veiled herself. The Netzev suggests she veiled herself out of awe and a sense of inadequacy. “Her relationship with Isaac was not the same as that between Sarah and Abraham or Rachel and Jacob. When they had a problem they were not afraid to speak about it. Not so with Rebecca.”

Netzev explains that the description of their first meeting emphasizes distance in every sense. Isaac is physically far away when Rebecca spots him. He is also mentally far away: meditating, deep in thought and prayer. Rebecca imposes her own distance by covering herself with a veil. Distance is the harbinger of their relationship.

We additionally know that Isaac is the most withdrawn of the patriarchs, most usually the object of others’ actions. Perhaps this is why he prefers Esau, a man of action (as well as Rebecca, another person of action).

Sacks states, “Rebecca felt unable to share with Isaac the oracle she had received before the twins’ birth and the doubts she had about Esau’s suitability for the blessing. Her inability to communicate led to the deception, which brought a whole series of tragedies in its wake, among them the fact that Jacob was forced to flee for his life, as well as the counter-deception perpetrated against him by his father-in-law Laban.”

This tragic story of good intentions provides a stark and important moral: honesty and openness are at the heart of strong relationships.