Speaking Peaceably

Vayeshev

Genesis 37:1 - 40:23

Précis: The story of Joseph begins with the words, “And Jacob dwelt (vayeshev) in the land of his father’s travels.” We learn that Joseph is Jacob’s favorite son. Joseph receives the famous coat of many colors, and dreams strange dreams and relates them to his brothers and father, creating additional concern (jealousy) on their part. The sons conspire to do away with Joseph, but before he dies, they sell him into slavery. Jacob is devastated when the sons present evidence of Joseph’s “death.” 

               We then have an intervening story about Judah. He marries off his first son to Tamar. The son soon dies, and, the next son is married to the widow (“levirate marriage.”) The second son (Onan) dies, and Judah is loath to offer the third son. The widow dresses as a harlot, seduces Judah, becomes pregnant, and reveals herself to Judah as a woman wronged. He acknowledges her as a rightful daughter.

               The scene shifts back to Joseph, who is now a servant in the household of Potiphar, an Egyptian official. Potiphar’s wife attempts to seduce Joseph but he refuses her advances. She accuses him nonetheless of attempted rape, and Joseph is tossed into prison. There, he meets jailed servants of Pharaoh, for whom he interprets dreams successfully. When the chief butler is restored to his post, he promises to “remember” Joseph, but the parasha ends with the words, “but he forgot him.”

Gen. 37:4   “And when his [Joseph's] brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably to him.”

As we all know, the Book of Genesis is filled with stories of sibling rivalry (Cain and Abel, Ishmael and Isaac, Jacob and Esau, and here among the sons of Jacob). Joseph is given a special coat by his doting father, and is sent out to report on (spy on?) his brothers. The phrase here which merits closer inspection is the Hebrew “lo yachlu” (they could not speak peaceably with him). What does this mean?

               Rashi suggests that they simply held their silence. Other commentators state that they spoke to him roughly and angrily.  But the phrase certainly means that the brothers were agitated with Joseph and his favored status with their father. Joseph has not helped his own case by acting in a condescending and prideful manner (as he tells them of his dreams of dominance over them). This barely-contained emotional hatred by the brothers is an appropriate prerequisite for their subsequent plot to kill him, although they wind up selling him into slavery instead.

               Our text speaks to the pressures and strife of familial relationships. When we give in to our anger (even when justified) we reject our ability to see or act peaceably. The brothers could not speak peaceably to Joseph, and allowed their hatred to rule their actions. Even though the story works out well in the end (when Joseph says, in effect, “it was all God’s plan”), the family experiences grief, pain, and guilt. All could have been avoided by thoughtful and peaceable communications. But such communications were largely impossible in the context of antagonism which had its roots in familial favoritism.

               We need to be on guard at all times to avoid taking actions which interfere with or prevent our ability to communicate with others openly, freely and without fear of reprisal.

Facing One's Fears

Vayishlach

Genesis 32:4 - 36:43

Précis: As he nears his return to his homeland, Jacob sent (vayishlach) messengers to Esau to ascertain Esau’s state of mind after their 20 year separation. While he awaits a reply, Jacob encounters an “adversary” (most assume an angel) with whom Jacob wrestles through the night. As dawn breaks, the adversary announces that Jacob’s name is to be changed to Israel: “He who wrestles with God.” On the following day, Esau approaches, and despite Jacob’s fears, there is a happy reunion.

               We then read the story of how a local prince rapes Dinah, Jacob’s daughter, and then asks to marry her. Jacob agrees on condition that all of the men of the city are circumcised. While the men are recovering, Jacob’s sons Simon and Levi attack the city and kill all of the inhabitants in revenge for the insult to their sister.

               Jacob soon travels to Beth-el (the site of his ladder dream), and on the way, Rachel gives birth to Benjamin and dies following her labor. Thereafter, Isaac’s death is noted, as is his burial by Esau and Jacob. The parasha ends with a genealogy of Esau and his descendants.

Gen. 32:8 “Jacob was greatly frightened; in his anxiety, he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps.”

Our Jewish texts teach us about the dangers of assuming that others have an evil intent, and acting according to our assumption.  Abraham assumes Pharaoh will steal Sarah (Genesis 12:11−20) and endangers his wife by allowing her to be placed in Pharaoh’s harem. Joseph’s brothers assume that he will exact revenge against them after he reveals his true identity to them (Genesis 50:15−21). In this parasha, Jacob assumes that Esau will attack him upon their reunion after a twenty year separation, and takes elaborate steps to avoid that anticipated outcome. However, Esau greets Jacob with warmth and tears.

               Jacob had spent much of his life running away from his brother Esau (who, after all, had threatened to kill him). Esau was a “man of the field” and impulsive (e.g., the story or the red stew and the sale of his birthright). But impulsive people live in the moment; they may forget their threats. Here, it appears that Jacob suffers one of the punishments of the Torah’s Tochacha (“Admonition”) [“You shall flee though none pursues” (Lev.26:17)].

               I ask a question: how frequently do we assume the worst in others, and take actions accordingly?  Do we separate ourselves from others – fellow congregants, friends, or family members - because we project our fears onto them and then assume that they will react in a way which we assume will be difficult or dangerous or painful? Do we “flee” without pursuit?

               Facing those whose reactions we fear takes strength. Jacob dithered, but eventually had the courage to face Esau. Things turned out well. May the same be true with each of us.