Honoring Our Parents

Va'ethanan

Deuteronomy 3:23 - 7:11

Précis: Moses continues the recapitulation of travels, and urges the People to follow the laws and commandments of Adonai. Moses pleads with God that he be allowed to enter the Promised Land, and is refused. Moses reminds the people that God was angry with him on account of their sinful ways, and therefore was refused permission to enter the Land. Moses continues with a restatement of the Ten Commandments, and follows with an articulation of the basic element of Jewish theology: the Sh’ma. Moses then warns the people against the perils of forgetfulness, particularly of the Exodus, and cautions against idol worship of gods of the nations they will conquer.

Deut. 5:16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

            In reviewing this verse, I decided to take a look at what Maimonides had to say about exactly how one is to go about observing this commandment. In Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Mamrim, Chapter 6, we find the following:

            “1) Honoring one’s father and mother is a positive commandment of great importance, as is fearing one’s father and mother. The Torah equates this honor and fear with that of God Himself…

            3) What is meant by fear and what is meant by honor? Fear [is expressed by] not standing in his place, not sitting in his place, not contradicting his words, not offering an opinion that outweighs him… What is meant by honoring them? One should bring them food and drink, clothe them and cover them from their own resources. If a father does not have financial resources and a son does, the son is compelled to sustain his father and mother according to his capacity…

            7) To what degree does the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents extend? Even if one’s parent takes his gold and throws it into the sea in his presence, he should not embarrass them, shout, or vent anger at them…

            10) When a person’s father or mother loses control of their mental faculties, their son should try to conduct this relationship with them according to their mental condition until God has mercy on them. If it is impossible to remain with them because they have become very deranged, he should leave them, depart, and charge others with caring for them in an appropriate manner.”

            I find these excerpts to be amazingly thoughtful and current. It is a true testament to the mind of Rambam that what he expressed almost a millennium ago remains powerfully relevant today. For those of us in the so-called “sandwich generation” the guidance he offers is a manifestation of timeless thoughtfulness and consideration which underlies this ancient commandment. 

Mitzvot and Obligation

D’varim

Deuteronomy 1:1 - 3:22

Précis: The Book of Deuteronomy (D’varim – “words”) takes the form of a series of lectures by Moses to the People as they prepare to enter the Land. Together, these instructions constitute Moses’ farewell address. D’varim is sometimes called the “Mishneh Torah”, literally, the “second teaching of the Torah” (this is where we get the Greek name of the Book) because it contains repetitions of previously enunciated laws. The Book has a strong focus on the centrality of the Temple in the Promised Land, as well as many of other rituals found at the center of Jewish life: recitation of the Sh’ma, Birkat Hamazon, Shabbat observance, wearing tallit and tefillin, reciting kiddush on Shabbat, and placing mezuzot on doorposts.

            The Book is in part about a spiritual journey. On another level, we can look at this as a kind of a homecoming saga. Like the Odyssey, the Gilgamesh epic, or The Wizard of Oz, much of this Book is about “getting home.” What distinguishes this Book are the detailed instructions about how to create a civil society after we get “home,” how we should relate to each other, especially to the most vulnerable in our society, and how we should relate to God and to the Land.

            The first parasha recounts the four decades of travel through the wilderness, repeats the story of the spies, deals with the appointment of judges, victories in the wilderness against enemies, and how the conquered land is to be divided. This parasha is read every year on Shabbat Hazon, the Shabbat prior to the fast of Tisha B’Av. Since looking at history is a major theme of the parasha, it is certainly an appropriate reading prior to this holiday.

Deut. 1:18 "And I commanded you, at that time, about the various the things you should do."

           

            The Book of Deuteronomy tells us, again and again, that the reason we observe commandments (mitzvot) is because God has commanded us to do so. That’s what the text says. Whether Jews of all modern “persuasions” react to this concept in the same way defines the differences among the various branches of Judaism today.

            The most traditional would simply agree with the text: we “do mitzvahs” because God has commanded us to do them. No discussion, subject closed. They believe in what the Sages called “the yoke of mitzvot.” We are to feel burdened by the commandments because God expects us to live by them.

            Others, myself included, adopt a “who am I” response, as in “who am I to break a 3,000 year old chain of continuity?" This we might call a historical imperative.

            Others adopt the “bubbie” rationale, as in, “my bubbie would turn over in her grave if I served pork for dinner.”

            Some Jews today perform ancient commandments because they feel the peer pressure of the communities in which they live; others observe mitzvot because they sense an ethical imperative that resonates with their own souls. Regardless of the rationale one adopts, performance of mitzvot needs to be mindful: mitzvot need to be observed with knowledge about what they mean, whether they have a purpose we can understand, or whether we are performing (or abstaining) for a reason which satisfies our own spiritual and communal needs.