Burning Bridges

Vayishlach

Gen. 32:4 - 36:43

Précis: As he nears his return to his homeland, Jacob sent (vayishlach) messengers to Esau to ascertain Esau’s state of mind after their 20-year separation. While he awaits a reply, Jacob encounters an “adversary” (most assume an angel) with whom Jacob wrestles through the night. As dawn breaks, the adversary announces that Jacob’s name is to be changed to Israel: “He who wrestles with God.” On the following day, Esau approaches, and despite Jacob’s fears, there is a happy reunion.

            We then read the story of how a local prince rapes Dinah, Jacob’s daughter, and then asks to marry her. Jacob agrees on condition that all of the men of the city are circumcised. While the men are recovering, Jacob’s sons Simon and Levi attack the city and kill all of the inhabitants in revenge for the insult to their sister.

           Jacob soon travels to Beth-el (the site of his ladder dream), and on the way, Rachel gives birth to Benjamin and dies in childbirth. Thereafter, Isaac’s death is noted, as is his burial by Esau and Jacob. The parasha ends with a genealogy of Esau and his descendants.

Gen. 33:4 “And Esau ran to meet Jacob, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him; and they wept.”

            After two decades of separation, the twin brothers meet again and are reconciled. The closeness of their relationship is questionable. While the Sages provide extended midrash seeking to cast doubt on Esau's sincerity, the text itself portrays a legitimate and sincere reunion. Yet, they need to live apart. Two people who tricked and threatened each other have finally come to accept the other. What has changed?  

            We recall that as young men, they competed with each other for the love of their parents, and each was successful in earning the love from only one of them. Jacob desired Esau’s birthright, Esau wanted the porridge and then wanted the blessing from Isaac. They each wanted what the other possessed.

            When they meet again, they have overcome their jealousy. They both have large families and great wealth. Jacob offers his brother gifts, and Esau refuses.  Jacob insists on the gift.  Each of the two now understands that they no longer need envy the other.

            As we see so often in our text, relationships among family members can be difficult. But as a wise woman (my wife) has repeatedly reminded me, “Never burn your bridges.” There is always hope for reconciliation. Another lesson: while we all strive for goals, we need to remember that life is not a zero-sum game. We also need to remember how blessed we already are, and that we should rejoice in our own achievements instead of being envious of the success of others.  

We cannot stand idly by

Vayetze

Gen. 28:10-33:3

Précis: As Jacob travels towards the household of his uncle Laban, he dreams of a ladder (some translate it as a ramp) to heaven, with angels ascending and descending. He vows to build a great House for God on the spot. Jacob meets and falls in love with Laban’s younger daughter, Rachel. Laban agrees to the match, provided that Jacob works for him for seven years. Laban switches the older daughter, Leah, for Rachel; Jacob works an additional seven years for Rachel’s hand. Jacob then works for Laban another six years, and acquires great wealth and flocks through shrewd husbandry. During the stay with Laban, most of the children of Jacob are born. At the conclusion of the parasha, after tense negotiations with Laban, Jacob leaves with his possessions and family.

Gen. 29:7 “And he [Jacob] said [to the shepherds at the well], ‘Lo, it is yet high day, and it is not time to round up the cattle; water the sheep, and then go feed them.’”

            It seems that once again I need to make reference to this verse due to the news of the day, as I have done before with regard to other then-current developments. The Sforno, the 16th century Italian commentator, states that in this story, Jacob, a stranger, chastises the workers for quitting early, thereby depriving their employers of a full day’s work for a full day’s pay. From this, the Sforno draws an ethical mandate: a righteous man objects to a wrong he observes, even if the wrong is done to others. Thus, one can’t stand idly by when a wrong is being done to another because one is not personally affected.

            The current spate of reports about sexual harassment and assault seems to be part of a hopeful paradigm shift in how these allegations are regarded. As Senator McConnell said, “I believe these women.” This marks a 180 degree turn in what we have come to expect from public figures, be they politicians, actors, corporate leaders or business bosses.

            This change is necessitated by the incredible pressure the harassed (usually but not always women) are under. To report or to complain or to sue invites retribution, both personal (loss of job) and public (ranging from shame and embarrassment to threats of violence). As suggested by the Sforno, we have an ethical mandate to act. We should not permit acts of harassment to take place in front of us without comment. We should support those who have endured harassment. And most importantly, we need to hold the harassers to account, regardless of political party and regardless of the positions they hold, from the least to the highest.