Estrangement and Reconciliation

Chayye Sarah


Genesis 23:1-25:18

Précis: The parasha begins with the counting of the life of Sarah (chayye Sarah), and with her death. It continues with a detailed description of the purchase of the cave of Machpela by Abraham for a family burial site. Abraham orders his servant to go to Abraham’s ancestral home to obtain a wife for Isaac, and after a series of fulfilled signs, the servant finds Rebecca. Rebecca returns with the servant; she and Isaac meet, fall in love at first sight, and wed. The parasha ends with the death of Abraham, his burial by Isaac and Ishmael in the family plot, and with the genealogy of Ishmael.

This week’s parasha is thick with life cycle events describing the stresses that families face with a special focus on estrangement, separation, and attempted reconciliation. Before the parasha begins, we had already learned of the challenges found in Abraham’s household: the late-in-life separation and relocation of Abraham from his home in Haran to Canaan, Sarah’s infertility, the birth of Ishmael, the birth of Isaac, Ishmael’s banishment, and the aborted sacrifice on Mount Moriah. The half-brothers, Isaac and Ishmael, have been separated. Both appear to be estranged from Abraham. Abraham’s wife Sarah dies suddenly and Abraham buries her. Isaac, the son so recently the subject of the Akedah, is absent. Where is he? We are not informed.

Abraham, perhaps because he is lonely following the death of Sarah, now seems intent on reestablishing a relationship with Isaac when he sends his “senior servant” (most assume it is Eliezer) on a trip to Abraham’s homeland to obtain a wife for Isaac.

When Eliezer returns, the separation between Abraham and Isaac is subtly reinforced by the text. The servant does not report back to Abraham. Instead, Eliezer brings Rebecca to Isaac (whom he refers to as "my master," another indication that all is not well between Abraham and Isaac).

Isaac, by the way, has been living in Be’er lahai roi. This location is coincidentally (or not so coincidentally!) the same location to which Hagar and Ishmael fled upon their expulsion from Abraham’s household. Was Isaac seeking a reunion with his brother Ishmael after the experience on Moriah and the death of Sarah? Was he seeking family reconciliation? The text fails to tell us.

We do learn that after Isaac is comforted by Rebecca, Abraham (who we’ve all assumed was close to death) takes another wife (by the name of Keturah) with whom he has an additional six sons, all who become the future heads of nations. Was this another indication that all was not well between Abraham and Isaac, or that Abraham felt the need for an alternative heir? Some midrashim suggest that “Keturah” was actually Hagar! If this is the case, one might consider that Abraham’s reestablishing connections with Hagar (and Ishmael) was another sign that all seemed lost between Abraham and Isaac.

Whatever the relationship actually was between Abraham and Isaac, Abraham reaches out at death by making sure that Isaac inherits all of his property. We also know that upon Abraham’s death, Isaac and Ishmael together bury Abraham next to Sarah in the Cave of Machpela.

What are we to learn from this narrative, and from the implications which seem to be lurking just beneath the text itself? First, family life is complicated. There are always opportunities for misunderstandings and for one's own needs to conflict with those whom one loves. It is easy to blame others in the family, and to break away and alienate family members. Second, reconciliation is difficult but is possible, even at death. Reconciliation may come through joining together for a funeral (as with Isaac and Ishmael), or (more hopefully) by considering the needs of others and seeking to help them once again, as Abraham did with Isaac by securing a wife for him.

In our own lives, we may have witnessed the awkward reunion of long-estranged family members at a funeral. How much better would it be if such reconciliations took place at a simchas? We can’t burn bridges with those we love. This week’s reading reminds us of the ever-present potential for reconciliation where love exists.