Find Some Balance

Yitro

Exodus 18:1 - 20:23

Précis:  Following last week’s trip through the Red Sea, Moses is reunited with his father-in-law Jethro (“Yitro”), his wife Zipporah, and with his two sons. Yitro acknowledges God, gives sage advice to Moses about delegating responsibility, and Moses appoints assistants (judges). The Israelites come to the foot of Mount Sinai where, in the definitive transcendental experience, we read the story of Revelation, as the “Ten Utterances” (Commandments) are spoken to the People by the very Voice of God.

Exodus 18:6 – “And he (Jethro) said to Moses, ‘I, your father-in-law, Jethro, have come to you, with your wife, and her two sons with her.’”

With thanks, this week’s comments are based on a message from my friend and teacher, Dr. Erica Brown, who wrote on the subject of Moses’ marriage with Zipporah in her Weekly Jewish Wisdom (Yitro, 2009).

                She notes that the text implies (although admittedly with limited detail) that Moses and Zipporah had a troubled relationship. We first met Zipporah, one of seven daughters who encounter Moses at a well, in Chapter 2 of Exodus. He chose her as his wife after Yitro offers one of his daughters to Moses. Why does Moses select her? We don’t know. It’s left unsaid.

                We encounter her again in Exodus Chapter 4 when she circumcises her son and flings the foreskin at the feet of Moses, apparently saving him from a life-threatening illness. (Some have suggested that this vignette serves to overcome Moses’ trepidation of going back to Egypt and demanding the freedom of the Israelite slaves).  The final encounter between Moses and Zipporah is in this verse, where she is reunited with Moses (after apparently having been sent home to her father in Midian at some time prior to the Exodus from Egypt).

                A close reading of the text indicates that the reunion does not go smoothly. Moses greets and bows to his father-in-law, but the text is silent about how he greets his wife (and sons). Yitro joins Moses in his tent, and again nothing is mentioned of his wife. Is she left outside? Does she have a reunion with her sister-in-law Miriam, or perhaps with Aaron’s wife?

                Erica Brown reminds us of several midrashim regarding this reunion. They suggest that Zipporah was alienated; that Moses’ responsibilities and tasks were so great that he ignored her; or even that the couple had actually divorced and that Yitro was trying to effectuate a reconciliation (hence the criticism by Jethro of Moses’ working too hard and his needing to delegate responsibilities).

                As it so often does, the Sages’ speculations arise because of the lack of narrative text; the commentators want to fill in the blanks, here suggesting that Moses had difficulties maintaining a most important personal relationship because of the burdens of his mission. We've observed all too often that leaders in all areas of society struggle to maintain the balance required to also have successful marriages. The “work/life balance” is extremely hard to maintain, whether by Presidents of the United States, presidents of congregations, or executive directors.

Perhaps, the lesson the rabbis are trying to teach is that even if we are blessed with finding a true mate for life, it takes continuous work and effort to maintain that relationship. The challenge of a successful marriage is to strive, every day, to contribute to its success.