Friday, July 19, 2013

Honoring our Parents


Va'ethanan
Deuteronomy 3:23 - 7:11

Précis: Moses continues the recapitulation of travels, and urges the People to follow the laws and commandments of Adonai. Moses pleads with God that he be allowed to enter the Promised Land, and is refused. Moses reminds the people that God was angry with him on account of their sinful ways, and therefore was refused permission to enter the Land. Moses continues with a restatement of the Ten Commandments, and follows with an articulation of the basic element of Jewish theology: the Sh’ma. Moses then warns the people against the perils of forgetfulness, particularly of the Exodus, and cautions against idol worship of gods of the nations they will conquer.

Deuteronomy 5:16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
            The original statement of this commandment to honor (or obey) our parents (Exodus 20:12) was not embellished, but in this repetition we are promised blessings for fulfilling the same commandment. Part of traditional commentary suggests that this is a natural process; if one honors and obeys one’s parents, one’s descendants will have observed important lessons and offer the same to their parents. 
            Our tradition suggests that honoring one's parents includes, most specifically, seeing to their physical needs. "Honoring one's parents is observed by helping them to eat and drink, clothing and covering them, and helping them to go in and out" (BT Kiddushin 31b). Feelings are perhaps less important than actions.
            On the other hand, we honor our parents in emotional ways as well: by offing comforting aid in times of illness, by helping them to maintain dignity with infirmity or old age, by listening carefully to their concerns and treating them with respect. This concern and spiritual support extends after their lives, when we see to their burial with care, observe the rituals of shivah and recitation of kaddish, and make charitable donations in their memory.
            It’s also a sign of respect and honor when we teach our children, diligently, about the lives of their grandparents and great-grandparents. This is more than the mere maintenance of memory; it is a concrete action to connect them with those we have loved and lost. In our efforts to meet this commandment, we all fail at times; but it remains our hope to be able to offer honor and love to our parents. Those of us who have lost parents and grandparents know all too well the importance of telling their stories to others.
            Finally, as has been noted by many, this 5th commandment of the 10 falls between the first 4 (dealing with our relationship to God) and the final 5 (dealing with our relationship to others). The Sages teach that parents stand as a bridge between God and our fellow human beings, and when we honor them, we honor God as well.

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