Forgetting one's troubles?

Vayigash

Genesis 44:18 - 48:27

Précis: We approach the end of the Joseph saga. Benjamin is being held by Joseph as the alleged thief of a gold cup. Judah comes near (vayigash) Joseph, and begs for his brother’s life, offering himself as a substitute. Joseph is overcome and reveals himself to his brothers, forgiving them for selling him into slavery, stating that it was all part of God’s plan. Joseph sends them back home to bring Jacob and their families down to Egypt in order to survive the upcoming famine. They comply, and Joseph arranges for them to reside in the land of Goshen, living off “the fat of the land” at Pharaoh’s insistence. During the remainder of the famine, Joseph purchases land and cattle for Pharaoh, making serfs of the Egyptian people in exchange for the grain stored during the seven years of plenty. The Israelites prosper and multiply.

Gen. 45:3 “And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?’”

            As Bruce Kadden has asked, (10 Minutes of Torah 12/17/12) “Are there any more moving words in the entire Torah than the question Joseph asks immediately upon revealing his identity to his brothers: ‘Is my father [really] alive?’” Joseph has spent decades hiding his identity and disassociating himself from his family.This seems a rhetorical question, since his brothers have spoken about their father repeatedly. Of course Jacob is still alive!

             I have always been concerned by this question in another way which speaks to Joseph’s reputation as a righteous man. How is it that he never contacted his father in Canaan during his years of rule in Egypt (at least nine years at the time of his reunion with his brothers)? Could he not have sent a messenger? (Or, as Mel Brooks’ 2000 Year Old Man might have said, “He couldn’t call? Send a letter? Nothing? He doesn’t call, what a terrible son!”)

I am certainly not the first to wonder at Joseph’s silence; many of the Sages and commentators (including Rambam) wondered at Joseph’s failure to communicate. Some suggest that it was done as a kindness: by contacting his father, Joseph would have needed to reveal the perfidy of his brothers to their father, and he was reluctant to harm Jacob. On the other hand, perhaps Joseph did not want to remember. The text tells us that he named his first son Manasseh “For God has made me forget all the troubles I endured in my father's house” (Gen. 41:51).

Is it possible that Joseph actually blamed his father? After all, Jacob had to know that the brothers were hostile towards Joseph, even before he sent Joseph off to check out his brothers, having given him his splendid outfit. Thinking through his travails, it is not impossible to imagine that Joseph came to resent his father’s role in the chain of events. (In this light, we may also remember that Jacob himself did not contact his father during his twenty years with Laban, so Joseph was acting just as his own father had acted.) By withholding Benjamin, Joseph may have been lashing back at Jacob. Joseph may have thought that his father should have been protecting him from his brothers’ fury.

But now those same brothers are before him. Joseph was ready to reveal himself to them only when they demonstrated their good faith by offering to substitute themselves for Benjamin. 

In the best light, Joseph’s question, perhaps, could be read as more of a declaration than as a question: “My father is still alive, and we can all be reunited again.” This may teach us that whatever hurts we commit against each other, when there is real and honest t’shuvah, reconciliation is possible.