Honoring our Parents

Va'ethanan
Deuteronomy 3:23 - 7:11

Précis: Moses continues the recapitulation of travels, and urges the People to follow the laws and commandments of Adonai. Moses pleads with God that he be allowed to enter the Promised Land, and is refused. Moses reminds the people that God was angry with him on account of their sinful ways, and therefore was refused permission to enter the Land. Moses continues with a restatement of the Ten Commandments, and follows with an articulation of the basic element of Jewish theology: the Sh’ma. Moses then warns the people against the perils of forgetfulness, particularly of the Exodus, and cautions against idol worship of gods of the nations they will conquer.

Deuteronomy 5:16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
            The original statement of this commandment to honor (or obey) our parents (Exodus 20:12) was not embellished, but in this repetition we are promised blessings for fulfilling the same commandment. Part of traditional commentary suggests that this is a natural process; if one honors and obeys one’s parents, one’s descendants will have observed important lessons and offer the same to their parents. 
            Our tradition suggests that honoring one's parents includes, most specifically, seeing to their physical needs. "Honoring one's parents is observed by helping them to eat and drink, clothing and covering them, and helping them to go in and out" (BT Kiddushin 31b). Feelings are perhaps less important than actions.
            On the other hand, we honor our parents in emotional ways as well: by offing comforting aid in times of illness, by helping them to maintain dignity with infirmity or old age, by listening carefully to their concerns and treating them with respect. This concern and spiritual support extends after their lives, when we see to their burial with care, observe the rituals of shivah and recitation of kaddish, and make charitable donations in their memory.
            It’s also a sign of respect and honor when we teach our children, diligently, about the lives of their grandparents and great-grandparents. This is more than the mere maintenance of memory; it is a concrete action to connect them with those we have loved and lost. In our efforts to meet this commandment, we all fail at times; but it remains our hope to be able to offer honor and love to our parents. Those of us who have lost parents and grandparents know all too well the importance of telling their stories to others.
            Finally, as has been noted by many, this 5th commandment of the 10 falls between the first 4 (dealing with our relationship to God) and the final 5 (dealing with our relationship to others). The Sages teach that parents stand as a bridge between God and our fellow human beings, and when we honor them, we honor God as well.

Taking Responsibility for our Errors

D’varim
Deuteronomy 1:1 - 3:22

Précis: The Book of Deuteronomy (D’varim – “words”) takes the form of a series of lectures by Moses to the People as they prepare to enter the Land. Together, these instructions constitute Moses’ farewell address.  D’varim is sometimes called the “Mishneh Torah”, literally, the “second teaching of the Torah” (this is where we get the Greek name of the Book) because it contains repetitions of previously enunciated laws. The Book has a strong focus on the centrality of the Temple in the Promised Land, as well as many of other rituals found at the center of Jewish life: recitation of the Sh’ma, Birkat Hamazon, Shabbat observance, wearing tallit and tefillin, reciting kiddush on Shabbat, and placing mezuzot on doorposts.
            
The first parasha recounts the four decades of travel through the wilderness, repeats the story of the spies, deals with the appointment of judges, victories in the wilderness against enemies, and how the conquered land is to be divided. This parasha is read every year on Shabbat Chazon, the Shabbat prior to the fast of Tisha B’Av. Since looking at history is a major theme of the parasha, it is certainly an appropriate reading prior to this observance.

Deut.1:22 “Then all of you came to me and said, ‘Let us send men to reconnoiter the land for us and bring back word on the route we shall follow and the cities we shall come to. It looked good in my eyes, and so I selected twelve men, one from each tribe.”
             In this opening parasha of D’varim, Moses recalls the tragedy of the twelve spies which resulted in the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years, and perhaps can be considered as the cause of Moses’ own inability to enter the Land (he never would have had to hit the rock if the quicker route was taken!). Even though the outcome was catastrophic, Moses was willing to accept responsibility for it, and had the courage to admit that he approved of the plan, even though it turned out badly.
            What a refreshing and honest response by Moses! It seems to me that most leaders today, be they congregational, civic, or governmental, are quick to back away from failed efforts. You can hear them say, “Not my fault! It was his fault! I never thought it was a good idea!”
             True leadership requires more than a smidgen of honesty. Why does this seem to be in such short supply among our current leaders? Perhaps the fault lies in us: we seem to have short attention spans, and we’ve learned that leaders fabricate their own stories. Our expectations have been lowered, particularly as vicious attack ads destroy the opposition with seeming impunity. 
            On the other hand, a real leader is someone with an ego big enough to survive saying, “I was wrong” or “I accept the blame for this error.” Bad decisions are just what they are: bad decisions. If one made a decision in good faith  and the decision seemed reasonable and appropriate when it was made, if things don’t turn out as we expected them to turn out, well, no one is perfect. The next time you make a decision that turns out to be wrong, be like Moses, and say “it looked good in my eyes” at the time. Your credibility and leadership will be enhanced.