Living with Fear and with Hope

Ki Tavo

Deuteronomy 26:1-29:8

Précis: The parasha contains numerous religious concerns regarding the formation of a civil and moral community (including tithes of first fruits and tithes to support the Levites). The People are promised that if they follow God’s instructions, they will be transformed into a “holy people.” They are further instructed that they have a choice of their own destiny: there are blessings and curses (the “Admonition”), and they must to choose between the two, and take the consequences. The parasha ends with Moses reminding the People about all that God had done for them in bringing them from Egypt, providing sustenance, defeating their foes, and giving them the Land.

Deut. 28:66 “The life you face shall be precarious; you shall be in terror, night and day, with no assurance of survival.”

             This week’s reading is comprised of blessings and curses. The curses, called the "Admonition" or “rebuke” (tochacha) are so frightening that in many congregations, it is customary for the reader to recite the verses very rapidly, in a soft undertone, almost inaudibly to the congregation. With fifty-four verses of curses, this is not an easy task.

            This particular verse, however, is a curse with which we all live in the modern world. Life is precarious, and we are faced with terrors. Sudden death and illness spring up all around us. Loved ones unexpectedly and suddenly pass away. Reading the obits becomes a daily challenge. In the natural world, we experience storms like Hurricane Katrina or Superstorm Sandy; terrible floods and droughts occur, wild firestorms seem to be increasing, and the climate itself is changing. Add to these fears are concerns about terrorist attacks, be it the latest threat from Al Qaeda, unrest in the Middle East, or attacks on Israel.

            Economic anxiety is there as well. On a personal level, the past decade has taught us that no matter how well we prepare financially, there is always the threat of unemployment and financial loss. For those in congregational life, many face similar financial uncertainty with declining rates of affiliation and changes in demographics. We all walk around under a cloud of “precarious” uncertainty. How are we to overcome this modern curse, so well-articulated 3,000 years ago in our Torah?

            First, we need to acknowledge that we cannot control everything. We must prepare for the worst and pray for the best. 

            Second, we need to find strength in each other. Whether it is our family or our neighborhood or synagogue community, we can overcome hurdles only with the support of others, and we must lend support to those in need of our help and understanding.             

            Third, we need to reject fear, and recognize that fear is a contagion. We must inoculate ourselves against it by learning more about the world, by listening carefully to those wiser than ourselves, and by understanding that this too shall pass.

            Finally, we need to maintain hope. Yes, there are 54 curses leveled at us by this parasha. But there are blessings in the text, too, which are promised to those who live a life of concern and care for others. Shabbat Shalom

Parents and Children

Ki Tetze
Deuteronomy 21:10 - 25:19

Précis:  The parasha might be subtitled “entering society” because it describes the creation of a just and moral social network. It begins with the phrase “when you go forth” (ki tetze) to battle.  This parasha, according to Maimonides, contains 72 mitzvot (commandments). Although they seem unrelated, they all deal with the morals and values that God wanted to be deeply implanted in the Israelites' society. They cover a wide variety of topics, from family life, human kindness, respect for property and animals, the safety of others, sexual relationships, escaped slaves, financial loans and charging interest, keeping promises, and remembering to blot out the name of one of Israel's greatest enemies. This assortment of commands included requirements that there be sex-distinct clothing; that mother birds not be separated from their eggs; that roof-tops have parapets; that seeds not be mixed in a field, and that “tzitzit” (fringes) be worn on garments.

Deuteronomy 21:18–21 “If a parent has a stubborn and rebellious son, who does not heed his father or mother and does not obey them even after they discipline him,  his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the public place of the community. They shall say to the elders of his town, ‘This son of ours is disloyal and defiant; he does not heed us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.’  Thereupon the residents of his town shall stone him to death. Thus you will sweep out evil from your midst: all Israel will hear and be afraid.”
                We have here every parent’s nightmare, and every parent’s experience.  Every child, at one time or another, displays some aspect of this nightmarish child. There are even times when parents would love to pursue this penalty.
               Once we calm down and think this through, we understand that this kind of punishment cannot be effectuated. Modern parenting seems to reject physical acts of punishment and substitute the “time out”   or perhaps a visit to a therapist (maybe many visits!). A mom who swats her son on the rear end in a grocery store will be stared at best, and accused of child abuse at worst.
               The rabbis understood this passage in light of the need for discipline of children, but agreed that the execution of a child who is “stubborn and rebellious” was highly problematic. They established a long list of prerequisites to the imposition of the sentence (BT Sanhedrin 68b–72a: the child must steal from his parents must be tried by twenty-three judges, and both parents must agree to the death sentence. The child needed to be both a glutton and a drunkard. Additional requirements were added as to the child’s age, warnings, and previous punishments. So many restrictions were added by the rabbis that, according to the Talmud (Sanhedrin 71a) “There never was, nor will there ever be, a child who meets all of the legal qualifications of the ‘wayward and rebellious son.’ Hence, this punishment was never inflicted.
               Why does this commandment appear in our text, if it was never and can never be enforced? One answer may be that the Torah is teaching us that parents are limited in their ability to discipline a child; it certainly teaches that there are better ways of instilling positive values than stoning to death! It may also be a subtle way of reminding us that parents are supposed to set boundaries for the behaviors of their children and that children are supposed to observe them, but that reality tells us that boundaries are ignored from time to time.

               The Talmudic explanation and exegesis of these verses also teaches us that parents need to speak with one voice, and that they need to convey their expectations of behavior clearly and unambiguously to their children. But even then, no child is “perfect.” If the child remains “stubborn and rebellious” should we blame the parents? I think not. The Torah teaches us that each person is responsible for his or her own actions. If we as parents do the best job we can in communicating and modeling our beliefs and values to our children, we can only hope that they will incorporate their values into their own personalities. Today, we may be living in a society of delayed maturation, but there comes a time when our children, of whatever age, become responsible for their own actions. If you are a parent, the month of Elul offers an opportunity for a “teaching moment” about accepting responsibility of one's actions.